On Saturday my baby girl turned 12!!! I am still not completely sure how this has happened. I remember turning 12. I remember the confusion and anxiety of the years that followed. I was lucky to have a mum that I could talk to about everything and who shared her wisdom and experience with me during these years, which I am so grateful for. I wanted to share some of what I have learned with my daughter too. So I wrote her this letter...
Dear C...
As you turn 12 and reach those in be-“tween” years where life seems to become so much more complicated and confusing, I wanted to write you a letter that might help you find some clarity and perspective. I hope that you will be able to look back at it over the coming years and that all the things I have learned can make life a little bit easier for you. I want you to know that you are loved.
You have always been loved and you will always be loved. There will be times when you think I don’t love you, when you think that my whole purpose in life is to make your existence miserable… but even when I may not like what you choose for yourself, I will still love you.
You are beautiful - Regardless of what society says about your clothes, your hair, what you ‘should’ weigh, or how you ‘should’ look. YOU are none of those things – they are superficial and changeable and completely irrelevant to true beauty! YOU are always beautiful. Believe in your beauty and celebrate it.
Life will knock you down sometimes, and you won’t always be able to control circumstances or the events that happen to you, but you can ALWAYS control how you respond. You can choose whether the events and circumstances reduce you, or whether you evolve from them to become a better you than ever before.
Believe in something far bigger than yourself and put your trust in it – God, your instinct, karma, destiny, the universe, whatever it’s ‘name’, have faith that it will lead you in the right direction along your journey. Because we can’t see how the events of our lives connect until we are looking back on them. Hindsight will always reveal the value and the opportunities in what can feel, at the time, like the most horrible experiences. Feel the emotions of the experience, but never let them define you.
Believe in yourself. Find what you love. Find what makes you feel alive. Don’t be a victim to circumstance and don’t complain. Do whatever you can to change the things you don’t like, or change the way you are thinking about them. Sometimes the greatest solutions come from a simple shift in thinking.
The only way to ever feel truly satisfied is to be doing what YOU feel is something wonderful for humanity. It might be defending the innocent, keeping a park clean from rubbish, or creating a magnificent musical masterpiece. EVERY contribution counts. Find your passion and make it count too.
As far as friends go – remember that you can never please all the people all of the time, or even some of the people all of the time! If you are doing what makes your heart sing and you are true to your own instincts and values then that is all that truly matters. Make sure you listen and don’t just follow others because they want you to. If it doesn’t ‘feel’ right, don’t do it!
Remember also that you can’t change people, for each is living their own journey. Be inspired by those who lift you up and energise you, accept the imperfections of all, and move on graciously and lovingly from those who only weigh you down.
Don’t be consumed by what others tell you is truth, or right, or what you ‘should’ be, do or have. Live your own life, do what your instincts tell you is right. Have the courage to listen to your own inner voice and live your passion. Let go of outside expectation, pride and fear. The only real failure comes from never trying, everything else is a learning experience.
And when it comes to boys there will be MANY learning experiences. You will fall in love, you will have your heart broken. Just remember that with each relationship (with anyone, not just boyfriends) comes valuable insight into human nature. Be picky. Have high standards. Choose the one who will love you just as you are, with all of your unique qualities and even your imperfections. “Because one day your boobs will droop so low they touch your ankles, and your elbows will make you wonder whether you’re ¼ elephant, and your eyesight will be so bad you’ll fail to notice your one-haired goatee until it gets tangled in your necklace, and that’s when you’ll want a partner … who thinks you’re more gorgeous than the day you first met.” (Karen Alpert)
I am so proud of who you are and who you are becoming and I love you.
Mum xx
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