You may or may not be aware that October is the 'official' month for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness... and over at Carly Marie Project Heal there is the opportunity to Capture Your Grief with a 31 day photographic challenge. You can also view all the images on the Capture Your Grief Facebook page.
I am very proud to share in this journey and represent what Infant Loss means to me through photographs in the hope that everyone will share with others. The more awareness we raise, the less ALONE people will feel during the days, months and years following the loss of their baby.
Why is this project and raising awareness so important to me?
15 years, 8 months and 2 days ago I gave birth to my first child. I was 2 days overdue, but had been at the hospital for a check up just the day before and everything was all as it should be. They talked about me coming back the following week if nothing had happened and the possibilities of induction.
That night I went into labour and being a first baby had NO IDEA what I was supposed to do! I waited it out at home as long as I could and at 6am on the 29th January I went to hospital...
During the routine checks there was a buzz of confusion and hushed talk... doctors were brought in, monitors brought in, my waters broken and monitors attached to the baby... and then the confirmation that my baby had died.
The rest of the day is a blur of doctors, midwives, emotions and family coming to visit... and the enduring hope that maybe, just maybe someone had got it wrong.
At 9.15pm on 29th January 1998, Mikaila Jane Willson was born - sleeping. The silence was deafening, the anticipation for a cry that never came, and then the hours afterwards holding her in my arms knowing this would be the only time I would get to hold her.
That was the beginning of a completely new life for me... nothing would ever be the same. I would never be the same. And there will always be a hole in my life that can never be filled...
Grief is a journey. It is a process. And it is ongoing.
Although almost 16years have passed, I still grieve. It's true that time heals and my grieving is now different to what it was in the early years. But where there is a wound, there is always a scar. It heals, yes, but it is never what it was before.
So it is with great honour that I am joining the Capture Your Grief photography challenge for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, sharing my own personal journey with you all. Hopefully it will help someone to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
DAY 1: SUNRISE!
There is something so very special about this time of day... something that symbolises Hope and New Beginnings perhaps. I couldn't get out this morning - but this is one I took a few months ago...
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