I came across this today and just had to share it...
I think of my own grandmother and Aunty who experienced the loss of their babies under these circumstances... My grandmother tells the story of how she didn't even know she had given birth to twins until several days later when a nurse 'slipped up' and mentioned that the boy had died... My Aunty that lost her baby was the other twin! And I was so blessed to have them BOTH there to see Mikaila after she was born, and my grandmother holding my hand through the birth!!!
Here is the link to the video... it is only a few minutes long and well worth watching... we have come so far in accepting grief and the loss of our infants. I am eternally grateful for the time I was able to spend with Mikaila, the photos I have of her, and the fact that I was able to give her a funeral...
http://www.abc.net.au/news/2013-10-11/changing-attitudes-on-grieving-for-the-stillborn/5017970
Sunday, 13 October 2013
Capture Your Grief - Day 14: Family...
The only word I have is broken...
My first experience of broken family was when my grandfather passed away. I was 14 years old and things were just never the same without him around.
Then my parents divorced when I was 16 and my family was truly broken... and things have never been the same.
Brokenness seems a common theme in life, particularly surrounding family. We tend to have idealised dreams of creating a perfect family, being a part of a perfect family, even comparing ourselves and our own experiences to others who we think have the perfect family... In reality, though, there is no perfect family. Each and every one of us has our own brokenness, our own challenges and our own imperfections.
15 years, 8 months and 16 days ago my family broke again when Mikaila was born sleeping... The break has mended somewhat with time, but the cracks will always be there...
9 years, 2 months ago my family broke... with the loss of my 4th baby. A baby I never had the chance to know or connect with. A baby that was gone even before I had the time to feel it was a part of me or for the pregnancy to become 'real' to me...
3 years, 8 months ago my family broke again... In a way that I never imagined, even after what we had been through already. My marriage broke down and my husband and I divorced. It has again mended somewhat with time, but with even deeper cracks and bigger gaps... My dream of creating the 'perfect' family was now completely shattered forever...
1 year ago it was broken yet again... when my oldest son, my second born child, made the choice to live with his Dad. I believe in children having a voice and being heard and would never stand in the way of ANY of my children making such a decision... BUT IT HURTS.
I feel like I am grieving all over again...
I know that I will mend again, but each break leaves deeper scars that seem harder to heal.
THIS is my struggle TODAY... An accumulation of grief. Not just for Mikaila, but for the baby I never got to know and for the family that will never again resemble the one I had always longed for...
Today my picture is borrowed from Elephant Journal.
My first experience of broken family was when my grandfather passed away. I was 14 years old and things were just never the same without him around.
Then my parents divorced when I was 16 and my family was truly broken... and things have never been the same.
Brokenness seems a common theme in life, particularly surrounding family. We tend to have idealised dreams of creating a perfect family, being a part of a perfect family, even comparing ourselves and our own experiences to others who we think have the perfect family... In reality, though, there is no perfect family. Each and every one of us has our own brokenness, our own challenges and our own imperfections.
15 years, 8 months and 16 days ago my family broke again when Mikaila was born sleeping... The break has mended somewhat with time, but the cracks will always be there...
9 years, 2 months ago my family broke... with the loss of my 4th baby. A baby I never had the chance to know or connect with. A baby that was gone even before I had the time to feel it was a part of me or for the pregnancy to become 'real' to me...
3 years, 8 months ago my family broke again... In a way that I never imagined, even after what we had been through already. My marriage broke down and my husband and I divorced. It has again mended somewhat with time, but with even deeper cracks and bigger gaps... My dream of creating the 'perfect' family was now completely shattered forever...
1 year ago it was broken yet again... when my oldest son, my second born child, made the choice to live with his Dad. I believe in children having a voice and being heard and would never stand in the way of ANY of my children making such a decision... BUT IT HURTS.
I know that I will mend again, but each break leaves deeper scars that seem harder to heal.
THIS is my struggle TODAY... An accumulation of grief. Not just for Mikaila, but for the baby I never got to know and for the family that will never again resemble the one I had always longed for...
I hope that
through my brokenness I can become stronger and more beautiful within my soul… like a piece of pottery that has undergone the art of
Kintsugi – “golden joinery” that turns ugly breaks into beautiful art.
Kenetha J. Stanton has summed it up perfectly on the home page of her
blog, "A KintsugiLife - Becoming strong at life's broken places and
finding beauty in the healing". She writes:
“The world breaks everyone, then some become strong at the broken places.” ~Ernest Hemingway
“We all get broken in one way or another in this life. It’s an
unavoidable part of living.
But we do have a choice about how we handle those breaks. Sometimes we
get stuck in the brokenness and never heal. Or we try to pretend the brokenness
is not there, driving it into our shadow where we act it out toward others
without knowing why.
Sometimes we give ourselves the time and resources we need to heal those
broken places, but the resulting scars remain tender and reactive.
And then there are the times when we do the hard work that’s required to
not only heal the broken places, but to make those places stronger than they
were before. It is then that our scars become beautiful in the way they allow
us to bring healing to the world around us.
The Japanese art of Kintsugi
repairs broken pottery with seams of gold and is a fitting metaphor for this
last way of dealing with the broken places that life gives all of us. Kintsugi
repairs the brokenness in a way that makes the container even more beautiful
than it was prior to being broken. It is a long and difficult process, but the
results are worth it.”
Today my picture is borrowed from Elephant Journal.
Capture Your Grief - Day 13: Book...
I have always read books. When I was younger I liked reading novels, particularly stories about old England and tragic love tales, like Wuthering Heights... but I have always read books about personal growth, maybe in a quest to make some meaning of this life I am living, but mostly because they 'made sense' to me. I had so many ideas about how life could be that it was good to find that I was not the only one who was thinking that way.
After Mikaila was born I continued to read, and I read books about grief, losing a baby, pregnancy after the loss of a child... and they helped me at the time... although I think for the same reasons as the personal growth books did. They acknowledged and supported my own beliefs and thoughts.
I find I read very little now. I don't seem to 'have the time', although I know that if reading was something I really wanted to be doing, I would make the time. I think the truth of it is that I have read so many books that now they seem to just repeat the same thing and I find there is very little that is 'new' to me. That combined with the fact that I seem to read a paragraph and start falling asleep these days!
I believe that we already know everything there is to know. It is within us and remains within us throughout our lives. It is a matter of connecting with that knowledge and trusting our intuitive self to provide answers that are right for us... and what is right for each of us will be sometimes very different and that is very much ok.
So my picture today is a stack of books I have on my bedside table - all of them I have read at least once. An angel bookmark that was a Christmas gift for Mikaila. And a chalkboard - symbolising that our learning never truly ends... Although learning often is purely a realisation that we already knew in the first place!
After Mikaila was born I continued to read, and I read books about grief, losing a baby, pregnancy after the loss of a child... and they helped me at the time... although I think for the same reasons as the personal growth books did. They acknowledged and supported my own beliefs and thoughts.
I find I read very little now. I don't seem to 'have the time', although I know that if reading was something I really wanted to be doing, I would make the time. I think the truth of it is that I have read so many books that now they seem to just repeat the same thing and I find there is very little that is 'new' to me. That combined with the fact that I seem to read a paragraph and start falling asleep these days!
I believe that we already know everything there is to know. It is within us and remains within us throughout our lives. It is a matter of connecting with that knowledge and trusting our intuitive self to provide answers that are right for us... and what is right for each of us will be sometimes very different and that is very much ok.
So my picture today is a stack of books I have on my bedside table - all of them I have read at least once. An angel bookmark that was a Christmas gift for Mikaila. And a chalkboard - symbolising that our learning never truly ends... Although learning often is purely a realisation that we already knew in the first place!
Friday, 11 October 2013
Capture Your Grief - Day 12: Article...
I have no photo for today... but I have a dream... and that is to take photographs for 'Heartfelt'. This article on the Mamamia blog explains beautifully what this organisation does for people to preserve their babies memories forever... The work they do is Completely. Heart. Felt.
I am so blessed to have photos of Mikaila... and a family who were thoughtful enough at the time to make sure they captured the precious time we were together. I could not imagine being without these images.
As a photographer I am passionate about capturing memories for families. The milestones of their children. The simplicity of children just being children. The special intimacy between a parent and a child. But I can imagine nothing that would compare to the honour of preserving the memories of a family that will not be taking their baby home. Because at the end of the day, the memories are all they have left.
Please visit the Heartfelt website and share with EVERYONE. You never know when it could make a difference to someone you love...
I am so blessed to have photos of Mikaila... and a family who were thoughtful enough at the time to make sure they captured the precious time we were together. I could not imagine being without these images.
As a photographer I am passionate about capturing memories for families. The milestones of their children. The simplicity of children just being children. The special intimacy between a parent and a child. But I can imagine nothing that would compare to the honour of preserving the memories of a family that will not be taking their baby home. Because at the end of the day, the memories are all they have left.
Please visit the Heartfelt website and share with EVERYONE. You never know when it could make a difference to someone you love...
Capture Your Grief - Day 11: Triggers...
In the early days after losing Mikaila there were SO MANY triggers for my grief.
Leaving her alone in the hospital room and getting into our car to go home was the first... the car that had the capsule installed ready to take her home in.
Her nursery was set up ready for her to come home to - and she never did. It was a constant reminder of what SHOULD have been and never would.
Pregnant women at the shopping centre and newborn babies seemed to be EVERYWHERE!!!
My brother-in-law and sister-in-law had their first baby a few months later - it was a genuine struggle for me to attend the baby's christening... one of the hardest days of my life.
Gradually I noticed that things triggered my emotions less often, nor as deeply. Sometimes a song, or a photo would send me plummeting, but it became easier to manage.
Realising that the name we had chosen for our second child - James - means The Supplanter, or 'He who replaces another', was a massive trigger and even now it gives me goose bumps to think that we chose THAT name before knowing what it meant.
NOW...
There are still triggers...
Looking through photographs of the day Mikaila was born and noticing the extreme pain on the faces in those pictures makes me relive that same pain.
Seeing Mikaila's roses blooming, white butterflies, and reading/hearing of other people's stories are all things that make me feel that empty ache...
Christmas is a big one - and although Mikaila is included every year in some way, it is never ever going to be what it could have been...
My birthday has a much bigger impact.
That was the day I went into labour and Mikaila was born the following day.
That was the day the Doctor told me all was going just fine (even though her heartbeat was 'too fast to count'!!!) and sent me home with a kick-chart to begin filling out.
That was the day I made the decision to start filling it out the following day.
That was the day I made the choice to stay at home for the majority of my labour.
That is the day I have often wished I could relive over again and do differently...
Obviously Mikaila's birthday is a trigger. Each year these are probably the hardest two days of the year... these are the days I am acutely aware of what time it is and where I was on that day in 1998.
But even these days have become easier and less painful over the years and instead of being completely paralysed with grief at these times I am now able to spend them in quiet reflection and I sit with the pain a lot more easily. I am ok with the pain. It is less intense, more of a dull ache, a longing and nostalgia, rather than debilitating agony.
Those who know me and spend time with me on these days are probably aware that I am a little quiet, but anyone who has never known my story would probably not even notice my grief on these days anymore.
Leaving her alone in the hospital room and getting into our car to go home was the first... the car that had the capsule installed ready to take her home in.
Her nursery was set up ready for her to come home to - and she never did. It was a constant reminder of what SHOULD have been and never would.
Pregnant women at the shopping centre and newborn babies seemed to be EVERYWHERE!!!
My brother-in-law and sister-in-law had their first baby a few months later - it was a genuine struggle for me to attend the baby's christening... one of the hardest days of my life.
Gradually I noticed that things triggered my emotions less often, nor as deeply. Sometimes a song, or a photo would send me plummeting, but it became easier to manage.
Realising that the name we had chosen for our second child - James - means The Supplanter, or 'He who replaces another', was a massive trigger and even now it gives me goose bumps to think that we chose THAT name before knowing what it meant.
NOW...
There are still triggers...
Looking through photographs of the day Mikaila was born and noticing the extreme pain on the faces in those pictures makes me relive that same pain.
Seeing Mikaila's roses blooming, white butterflies, and reading/hearing of other people's stories are all things that make me feel that empty ache...
Christmas is a big one - and although Mikaila is included every year in some way, it is never ever going to be what it could have been...
My birthday has a much bigger impact.
That was the day I went into labour and Mikaila was born the following day.
That was the day the Doctor told me all was going just fine (even though her heartbeat was 'too fast to count'!!!) and sent me home with a kick-chart to begin filling out.
That was the day I made the decision to start filling it out the following day.
That was the day I made the choice to stay at home for the majority of my labour.
That is the day I have often wished I could relive over again and do differently...
Obviously Mikaila's birthday is a trigger. Each year these are probably the hardest two days of the year... these are the days I am acutely aware of what time it is and where I was on that day in 1998.
But even these days have become easier and less painful over the years and instead of being completely paralysed with grief at these times I am now able to spend them in quiet reflection and I sit with the pain a lot more easily. I am ok with the pain. It is less intense, more of a dull ache, a longing and nostalgia, rather than debilitating agony.
Those who know me and spend time with me on these days are probably aware that I am a little quiet, but anyone who has never known my story would probably not even notice my grief on these days anymore.
Thursday, 10 October 2013
Catching up on Capture Your Grief - Days 5 to 10...
Day 5 - memory... All I have of Mikaila are memories. I remember the way she kicked under my ribs as I sat in the car every day at the same time on the way home from work, how her hair felt so soft against my lips, her smell, and the softness of her skin... I have her blanket that she was wrapped in for the 12 hours that i held her after she was born and now - almost 15yrs later - I can still put it against my face and feel her there with me again... Memories are so so important... They are what we hold on to and keep with us every day that our babies are not!
Day 7 - You Now... (I am catching up from being away for the long weekend!)
If I had to only choose 1 word to describe me now it would be RESILIENT...
To describe who I am now would take so much more than a word.... I could probably write a whole book... But that one word is really what is most important about my journey as a mother of 6 (I have focused on the loss of Mikaila during this but I also lost my 4th baby early in my pregnancy - at about 8/9weeks who I named Joey) so I am a mother of 6!
Day 8 - Colour...
Mikaila's lips when she was born were a deep rose pink. Over the 12 hours I spent with her they gradually turned a dark ruby red and by the time of her funeral a week later they were black. When I think of her colour I think of those deep rose pink lips - and the flower that was brought into hospital for her.
Day 9 - Music... Dante's Prayer by Loreena McKennitt is the song we played at Mikaila's funeral and one that still makes my heart ache... There is absolutely no doubt that I will ALWAYS remember you my angel xx
Day 10 - Beliefs...
I have never been a 'religious' person, but I have ALWAYS been a spiritual person and I cannot accept that death is the end.
To me the Divine, God, Universal Energy are all one and the same - and EVERYTHING is made from this same source.
Whether I am looking at a tree, or a bird, or the clouds in the sky, a butterfly or a flower I know that Mikaila is alive. How can she not be? Her body may not be here on this earth anymore, but the energy, the life-force, the spirit that she is continues to live... she is a part of everything as much as any of us are.
The rose in the photo is the latest one to bloom on the rose bush that was given to her Dad and I on the day of her funeral... To me it symbolises just how she continues to live... and grow... and shine... and also that beautiful things not only 'can' but DO flourish among the thorns of life!!!
I thank Mikaila for coming into my life and sharing her spirit with me so intimately and for the personal growth and awareness that comes from the journey I continue to travel...
Day 6 - Ritual...
Every year on January 29... The day after my own birthday.... We celebrate Mikaila's birthday by baking a cake, decorating it, lighting candles and singing Happy Biirthday. All the kids blow out her candles for her and cut the cake together.
She is a member of our family and her birthday is just as important as all the others.
She also receives (or I do on her behalf) a gift... A charm for my bracelet, a flower, an ornament - something small that is representative of her, her time with us, or where she would be in her life at that stage or age.
Rituals are an important part of remembering and keeping our babies spirits alive within us
Every year on January 29... The day after my own birthday.... We celebrate Mikaila's birthday by baking a cake, decorating it, lighting candles and singing Happy Biirthday. All the kids blow out her candles for her and cut the cake together.
She is a member of our family and her birthday is just as important as all the others.
She also receives (or I do on her behalf) a gift... A charm for my bracelet, a flower, an ornament - something small that is representative of her, her time with us, or where she would be in her life at that stage or age.
Rituals are an important part of remembering and keeping our babies spirits alive within us
Day 7 - You Now... (I am catching up from being away for the long weekend!)
If I had to only choose 1 word to describe me now it would be RESILIENT...
To describe who I am now would take so much more than a word.... I could probably write a whole book... But that one word is really what is most important about my journey as a mother of 6 (I have focused on the loss of Mikaila during this but I also lost my 4th baby early in my pregnancy - at about 8/9weeks who I named Joey) so I am a mother of 6!
Day 8 - Colour...
Mikaila's lips when she was born were a deep rose pink. Over the 12 hours I spent with her they gradually turned a dark ruby red and by the time of her funeral a week later they were black. When I think of her colour I think of those deep rose pink lips - and the flower that was brought into hospital for her.
Day 9 - Music... Dante's Prayer by Loreena McKennitt is the song we played at Mikaila's funeral and one that still makes my heart ache... There is absolutely no doubt that I will ALWAYS remember you my angel xx
Day 10 - Beliefs...
I have never been a 'religious' person, but I have ALWAYS been a spiritual person and I cannot accept that death is the end.
To me the Divine, God, Universal Energy are all one and the same - and EVERYTHING is made from this same source.
Whether I am looking at a tree, or a bird, or the clouds in the sky, a butterfly or a flower I know that Mikaila is alive. How can she not be? Her body may not be here on this earth anymore, but the energy, the life-force, the spirit that she is continues to live... she is a part of everything as much as any of us are.
The rose in the photo is the latest one to bloom on the rose bush that was given to her Dad and I on the day of her funeral... To me it symbolises just how she continues to live... and grow... and shine... and also that beautiful things not only 'can' but DO flourish among the thorns of life!!!
I thank Mikaila for coming into my life and sharing her spirit with me so intimately and for the personal growth and awareness that comes from the journey I continue to travel...
Thursday, 3 October 2013
Capture Your Grief - Day 4: Legacy
A legacy is "something handed down or received from an ancestor or predecessor"...
Mikaila was with us for 9 months - I carried her within my body for 9 months. I felt her grow. I felt her move. I heard her heart beating and watched her wriggle during ultrasounds. I have ultrasound images of her as she grew. I have photographs of her just after her birth. I have her special blanket knitted for her by her grandmother and a 'treasure chest' of other keepsakes and memories.
The physical legacies left include all these things... as well as the changed body I now have - also a legacy of my other babies I have carried and nurtured and grown... and something that I am unashamedly proud of... It is a miracle to grow children within you and to bear the daily reminders of such a miracle is something we should all be proud of.
Mikaila made a big impact in such a short time for so many of my family and friends. Her legacy to them has been something that cannot be captured in a photograph. It has been a connection to what is most precious in life - which is different for all of us. Her legacy has been an awareness that life is valuable and fleeting, and should be grasped with both hands and lived fully, because there is never any way to tell when and how it will be changed forever!
Perhaps the MOST IMPORTANT legacy that has been left by Mikaila has been a result of her leaving us... for had she stayed, life would have played out very differently and her brothers and sisters probably would not have arrived when they did or become the people they are... They each have their own special connection with the big sister they never met here on earth or in this lifetime... but the connection is there. Mikaila is talked about by each of them, she has been included in drawings of their family and she is very much alive to all of us!
Thank you for your brothers and sisters Mikaila... without you, they may not be here... and I cannot imagine a life without any of you.
Mikaila was with us for 9 months - I carried her within my body for 9 months. I felt her grow. I felt her move. I heard her heart beating and watched her wriggle during ultrasounds. I have ultrasound images of her as she grew. I have photographs of her just after her birth. I have her special blanket knitted for her by her grandmother and a 'treasure chest' of other keepsakes and memories.
The physical legacies left include all these things... as well as the changed body I now have - also a legacy of my other babies I have carried and nurtured and grown... and something that I am unashamedly proud of... It is a miracle to grow children within you and to bear the daily reminders of such a miracle is something we should all be proud of.
Mikaila made a big impact in such a short time for so many of my family and friends. Her legacy to them has been something that cannot be captured in a photograph. It has been a connection to what is most precious in life - which is different for all of us. Her legacy has been an awareness that life is valuable and fleeting, and should be grasped with both hands and lived fully, because there is never any way to tell when and how it will be changed forever!
Perhaps the MOST IMPORTANT legacy that has been left by Mikaila has been a result of her leaving us... for had she stayed, life would have played out very differently and her brothers and sisters probably would not have arrived when they did or become the people they are... They each have their own special connection with the big sister they never met here on earth or in this lifetime... but the connection is there. Mikaila is talked about by each of them, she has been included in drawings of their family and she is very much alive to all of us!
Thank you for your brothers and sisters Mikaila... without you, they may not be here... and I cannot imagine a life without any of you.
Wednesday, 2 October 2013
Capture Your Grief - Day 3: Myths
There are so many myths surrounding grief - some are myths perpetuated by society and those around us offering their own perspective on what grief 'SHOULD' look like... but many are myths we create ourselves which may or may not be helpful to our journey. I could try to list them... that there is a specific process and stages you will experience, that it will take a certain amount of time for you to 'bounce back', that you shouldn't smile or find humour in any aspect of life during the grieving process, that if you fail to remember your baby EVERY waking moment there is something wrong with you..... I could go on and on and on... but the truth is that GRIEF is different for every single person and what my experience of grief is will be very different from yours, although we may share some common feelings.
One of my own personal myths - created by my own perceptions and ideals - has been that I needed to remember every little detail about that single moment in time when Mikaila was born. I needed to remember every single detail about her.
But the truth is TIME DOES NOT STAND STILL... time is fluid and flowing and continues to move regardless of what we are feeling or doing or being.
What I have come to realise over the years is that memory fades. Those moments in time that have tremendous impact on us will stay with us and remain much clearer and stronger than many others, but they do fade... and that's ok. I still remember the most important parts of that moment. The love and heartbreak, the anticipation, the hope and the utter devastation and emptiness that followed...
The details are no longer so important to me... Mikaila lives in my heart, she always will, just as my 4 living children do. Time - no matter how much of it passes - will never change THAT detail.
One of my own personal myths - created by my own perceptions and ideals - has been that I needed to remember every little detail about that single moment in time when Mikaila was born. I needed to remember every single detail about her.
But the truth is TIME DOES NOT STAND STILL... time is fluid and flowing and continues to move regardless of what we are feeling or doing or being.
What I have come to realise over the years is that memory fades. Those moments in time that have tremendous impact on us will stay with us and remain much clearer and stronger than many others, but they do fade... and that's ok. I still remember the most important parts of that moment. The love and heartbreak, the anticipation, the hope and the utter devastation and emptiness that followed...
The details are no longer so important to me... Mikaila lives in my heart, she always will, just as my 4 living children do. Time - no matter how much of it passes - will never change THAT detail.
Tuesday, 1 October 2013
Capture Your Grief - Day 2: Identity
The dictionary defines Identity as "the individual characteristics by which a person or thing is recognised"...
My memories of Mikaila are what I hold in my mind as her Identity... her masses of dark, soft hair... her pale skin and her dark ruby lips... her long, thin arms and legs, and long fingers with tiny fingernails...
Had she survived, these would no longer be her Identity...
She would have grown, learned, changed over time, and would now be a young woman making her own individual mark on the world.
I often wonder what she would be like. What would she look like? Would she still have the dark hair she had at birth or would it have changed? Would she be outgoing, confident or sporty? Or would she be a quiet, studious and academically minded young lady?
Given that her brothers and sisters all have their own unique looks and personalities that, although at times hold glimpses of their siblings, are usually all very individual, it is difficult to tell whether Mikaila would be like any of them.
I only have my imagination to create an Identity for who I think she might have become... There is no way to tell whether I am right in my guessing.
This figurine represents the Unknown Identity of who Mikaila might have grown into... a young lady, but without defined features or personality... leaving these things purely to imagination and personal assumptions. But a divine being who holds the essence of all things within them.
My memories of Mikaila are what I hold in my mind as her Identity... her masses of dark, soft hair... her pale skin and her dark ruby lips... her long, thin arms and legs, and long fingers with tiny fingernails...
Had she survived, these would no longer be her Identity...
She would have grown, learned, changed over time, and would now be a young woman making her own individual mark on the world.
I often wonder what she would be like. What would she look like? Would she still have the dark hair she had at birth or would it have changed? Would she be outgoing, confident or sporty? Or would she be a quiet, studious and academically minded young lady?
Given that her brothers and sisters all have their own unique looks and personalities that, although at times hold glimpses of their siblings, are usually all very individual, it is difficult to tell whether Mikaila would be like any of them.
I only have my imagination to create an Identity for who I think she might have become... There is no way to tell whether I am right in my guessing.
This figurine represents the Unknown Identity of who Mikaila might have grown into... a young lady, but without defined features or personality... leaving these things purely to imagination and personal assumptions. But a divine being who holds the essence of all things within them.
Monday, 30 September 2013
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month - October 2013
Welcome to October... summer is well on it's way with temperatures this week reaching over 30 degrees, and the usual spring wind is blowing away the cobwebs of winter!
You may or may not be aware that October is the 'official' month for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness... and over at Carly Marie Project Heal there is the opportunity to Capture Your Grief with a 31 day photographic challenge. You can also view all the images on the Capture Your Grief Facebook page.
I am very proud to share in this journey and represent what Infant Loss means to me through photographs in the hope that everyone will share with others. The more awareness we raise, the less ALONE people will feel during the days, months and years following the loss of their baby.
Why is this project and raising awareness so important to me?
15 years, 8 months and 2 days ago I gave birth to my first child. I was 2 days overdue, but had been at the hospital for a check up just the day before and everything was all as it should be. They talked about me coming back the following week if nothing had happened and the possibilities of induction.
That night I went into labour and being a first baby had NO IDEA what I was supposed to do! I waited it out at home as long as I could and at 6am on the 29th January I went to hospital...
During the routine checks there was a buzz of confusion and hushed talk... doctors were brought in, monitors brought in, my waters broken and monitors attached to the baby... and then the confirmation that my baby had died.
The rest of the day is a blur of doctors, midwives, emotions and family coming to visit... and the enduring hope that maybe, just maybe someone had got it wrong.
At 9.15pm on 29th January 1998, Mikaila Jane Willson was born - sleeping. The silence was deafening, the anticipation for a cry that never came, and then the hours afterwards holding her in my arms knowing this would be the only time I would get to hold her.
That was the beginning of a completely new life for me... nothing would ever be the same. I would never be the same. And there will always be a hole in my life that can never be filled...
Grief is a journey. It is a process. And it is ongoing.
Although almost 16years have passed, I still grieve. It's true that time heals and my grieving is now different to what it was in the early years. But where there is a wound, there is always a scar. It heals, yes, but it is never what it was before.
So it is with great honour that I am joining the Capture Your Grief photography challenge for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, sharing my own personal journey with you all. Hopefully it will help someone to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
DAY 1: SUNRISE!
There is something so very special about this time of day... something that symbolises Hope and New Beginnings perhaps. I couldn't get out this morning - but this is one I took a few months ago...
You may or may not be aware that October is the 'official' month for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness... and over at Carly Marie Project Heal there is the opportunity to Capture Your Grief with a 31 day photographic challenge. You can also view all the images on the Capture Your Grief Facebook page.
I am very proud to share in this journey and represent what Infant Loss means to me through photographs in the hope that everyone will share with others. The more awareness we raise, the less ALONE people will feel during the days, months and years following the loss of their baby.
Why is this project and raising awareness so important to me?
15 years, 8 months and 2 days ago I gave birth to my first child. I was 2 days overdue, but had been at the hospital for a check up just the day before and everything was all as it should be. They talked about me coming back the following week if nothing had happened and the possibilities of induction.
That night I went into labour and being a first baby had NO IDEA what I was supposed to do! I waited it out at home as long as I could and at 6am on the 29th January I went to hospital...
During the routine checks there was a buzz of confusion and hushed talk... doctors were brought in, monitors brought in, my waters broken and monitors attached to the baby... and then the confirmation that my baby had died.
The rest of the day is a blur of doctors, midwives, emotions and family coming to visit... and the enduring hope that maybe, just maybe someone had got it wrong.
At 9.15pm on 29th January 1998, Mikaila Jane Willson was born - sleeping. The silence was deafening, the anticipation for a cry that never came, and then the hours afterwards holding her in my arms knowing this would be the only time I would get to hold her.
That was the beginning of a completely new life for me... nothing would ever be the same. I would never be the same. And there will always be a hole in my life that can never be filled...
Grief is a journey. It is a process. And it is ongoing.
Although almost 16years have passed, I still grieve. It's true that time heals and my grieving is now different to what it was in the early years. But where there is a wound, there is always a scar. It heals, yes, but it is never what it was before.
So it is with great honour that I am joining the Capture Your Grief photography challenge for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, sharing my own personal journey with you all. Hopefully it will help someone to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
DAY 1: SUNRISE!
There is something so very special about this time of day... something that symbolises Hope and New Beginnings perhaps. I couldn't get out this morning - but this is one I took a few months ago...
Wednesday, 31 July 2013
Printing Photos versus Digital Files
I have struggled with the decision of whether to include
digital files for my clients, or prints... and after much thought and
deliberation I have come to the conclusion that YES I will provide SOME digital
images, because let’s face it, we ALL love to share our gorgeous families on
Facebook!
But when it comes to providing images for my clients, my main objective is to have them hang these images on their walls right away so they can share them with their family and friends in ‘real life’. Photography is best appreciated and enjoyed only once it is printed, and we can enjoy it most when it is hanging on our walls or printed into albums to sit and reflect upon. I don’t want my clients to take home their disc of photos, put them aside and then never get around to printing them! It’s not very nostalgic to sit on the lounge and flick through images on a laptop with your kids... and it doesn’t create that same bonding experience as looking through an album together.
Technology changes so rapidly too, that the images you might receive and store on a disk today are very likely going to be irretrievable in years to come. Not only does the technology date, but the quality of the images stored on the technology will very likely diminish over time.
We all want our photos to last forever, they are the memories we look back upon and pass on to our families. They are more often than not, the single one thing a person will choose to take with them from a burning house (after their spouse and children of course!)... Our Photographs are PRICELESS! So why do we then put so little value on having them printed and displayed where we can enjoy them EVERY SINGLE DAY!
My children love to pull out the albums of photos that tell the stories of them growing up. They like to see what they looked like, what they enjoyed doing, and who they spent time with. They develop a sense of who they are and where they have come from by looking through these images. Unless we print our photos, our children miss out on this extremely valuable part of developing their sense of identity.
Displaying images of our children engaged in positive everyday moments communicates to the child that they have a meaningful place within a family.
"It's important not only to be photographed in ways that indicate caring, nurturing, love and success, but also to see those images and take them in," says David Krauss, Ph.D., co-author of Photo Therapy in Mental Health.
Dr Krauss says that those children who see images of themselves displayed within the family home feel more loved and valued. Isn’t this enough reason to print and display our photos? I know I want my children to feel that they are a loved and valued member of our family.
Prints are tangible, they are ‘real’. You can hold them in your hands, you can send them as gifts, you can slow down and connect with people all over again as you share some quiet time reflecting on special moments together. A digital file may be ‘cheaper’, but can you truly put a price on what a printed image can convey?
I came across this video on YouTube by photographer Bryan Caporicci that highlights the value of a printed image over a digital file... Take a look and then decide for yourself.
But when it comes to providing images for my clients, my main objective is to have them hang these images on their walls right away so they can share them with their family and friends in ‘real life’. Photography is best appreciated and enjoyed only once it is printed, and we can enjoy it most when it is hanging on our walls or printed into albums to sit and reflect upon. I don’t want my clients to take home their disc of photos, put them aside and then never get around to printing them! It’s not very nostalgic to sit on the lounge and flick through images on a laptop with your kids... and it doesn’t create that same bonding experience as looking through an album together.
Technology changes so rapidly too, that the images you might receive and store on a disk today are very likely going to be irretrievable in years to come. Not only does the technology date, but the quality of the images stored on the technology will very likely diminish over time.
We all want our photos to last forever, they are the memories we look back upon and pass on to our families. They are more often than not, the single one thing a person will choose to take with them from a burning house (after their spouse and children of course!)... Our Photographs are PRICELESS! So why do we then put so little value on having them printed and displayed where we can enjoy them EVERY SINGLE DAY!
My children love to pull out the albums of photos that tell the stories of them growing up. They like to see what they looked like, what they enjoyed doing, and who they spent time with. They develop a sense of who they are and where they have come from by looking through these images. Unless we print our photos, our children miss out on this extremely valuable part of developing their sense of identity.
Displaying images of our children engaged in positive everyday moments communicates to the child that they have a meaningful place within a family.
"It's important not only to be photographed in ways that indicate caring, nurturing, love and success, but also to see those images and take them in," says David Krauss, Ph.D., co-author of Photo Therapy in Mental Health.
Dr Krauss says that those children who see images of themselves displayed within the family home feel more loved and valued. Isn’t this enough reason to print and display our photos? I know I want my children to feel that they are a loved and valued member of our family.
Prints are tangible, they are ‘real’. You can hold them in your hands, you can send them as gifts, you can slow down and connect with people all over again as you share some quiet time reflecting on special moments together. A digital file may be ‘cheaper’, but can you truly put a price on what a printed image can convey?
I came across this video on YouTube by photographer Bryan Caporicci that highlights the value of a printed image over a digital file... Take a look and then decide for yourself.
Tuesday, 23 July 2013
Tips for Taking Better Photos of Your Kids...
Some of the most treasured things a parent can own are photos of their children. But getting a great image of them can be like trying to capture sand with a sieve! My own kids either go totally overboard with the ‘modelling’ so I don't get the true smile, or they slump and sigh, 'Oh no, here she is again with that camera!"
To make it easier for you I have put together a few tips for capturing those priceless memories of your kids.
Tip #1: RELAX
Taking photos of your children should be FUN. If you allow yourself to get frustrated while trying to take great pictures, your child will sense that frustration and it will be difficult to get them to relax and smile. Remember to have fun when you are taking pictures — you will have these moments for a lifetime!
Tip #2: MAKE YOUR CHILDREN LAUGH
We have all said it at some point, but urging your child to smile or say "Cheese!" seldom gets you what you're looking for. Usually all you will end up with is an image that tells you nothing at all about your child’s character or personality.
Once a child has learned to say "Cheese," however, it's a hard habit to break and they will often automatically respond on cue as soon as they see a camera!
One way to capture the real child is to just start snapping away. Don’t make a fuss about the fact that you're taking your child's photo. Don't ask them to freeze, or look at you, or smile. Just let them be themselves! There will be times when you will want to pose your child in a particular way, but many of my favourite images are when I capture children doing their favourite activities. Try to fade into the background so they forget you’re there.
Sometimes, my favourite images are very natural ones where the child is not smiling. When you can look right into their eyes and see so much of who they are and what they are thinking. The shots I love of my children are the ones where their eyes are sparkling, and they're giving me a genuine, warm look. It doesn't have to be a smile, just a familiar look — the one I see in them everyday.
If you absolutely, positively MUST get a smile, then make faces, sing funny songs, make weird noises, do whatever it takes to get your kids to look at you and laugh. THEN click the button and capture their REAL smile!
Tip #3: KNOW YOUR CAMERA
Get to know your camera so you can use all of its functions. Knowing how and when to override the automatic flash and how to adjust the ISO (film speed) to allow you to avoid flash will make a huge difference in your photographs. Read the manual!
Tip #4: THINK ABOUT THE LIGHT
Perhaps the number one thing you can do to improve your family photos is to steer your child toward natural light sources — place them next to a sunny window or go outside. Get in the habit of opening the curtains when you're taking pictures during the daytime so that the entire room is filled with light.
Look for the way light is reflected in your child's eyes. It's this light in the eyes – catch lights – that makes people seem really alive. Sometimes it's just a matter of slightly repositioning yourself or the child to capture that light.
Though you can create catch lights with a flash it can be very harsh, it can startle and distract a child and it can result in that all too common red-eye! I suggest always turning the flash OFF!
If you're taking pictures outside be aware of glare and harsh shadows. The light in the middle of the day, when the sun is directly overhead, can create dark shadows under the eyes. What you want to see when you're looking at your child is their eyes and you can’t do this if they are surrounded by shadow. If you have to take pictures during the middle of the day, try to get your child into some shade.
The best light is in the morning hours, a couple of hours after sunrise, or in the evening, in those few hours before sunset. The sun at these times is lower in the sky which results in a softer, warmer glow and longer softer shadows.
Be aware of artificial lighting, like bright lamps, in the background of the shot. Our eyes are naturally drawn towards light, so if you have something bright in the background, your eye is going to go to whatever is brightest in the photo. You won’t even notice the child. Simplify the background and you'll take dramatically better photos of people.
Tip #5: CHECK THE BACKGROUND
Pay attention to what's right behind your children when you're photographing them. You want the viewer of the picture to focus on your child and not the background so make sure that the background of the photo is not too distracting or overpowering.
Also, you don’t want it to look like a telephone pole or a tree is sprouting out of your child’s head! Checking for these things before you start taking the photo will produce a much better result.
This, however, doesn't mean you have to always eliminate everything from the background. It's a matter of personal taste — some people don't ever want to see messy bench tops, toys on the floor or unmade beds in their photos — but sometimes, such elements can add a sense of context to the photo of your child.
Tip #6: CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE
For great eye contact and a natural sense of engagement, you really need to put yourself at your child's eye level. Whether that means holding the camera just an inch or two above the floor to photograph your baby hard at work during "tummy time" or sitting cross-legged on the footpath to capture your preschooler's expression as she rides past on her bike, getting low is the way to go. We are (usually) a lot taller than our children, taking a photo looking down at them distorts their body shape and will often end up with them looking up and giving a full ‘cheesy’ grin just for the camera!
There are so many moments that occur in a child’s day that it would be impossible to capture them all, but some wise advice is to always have your camera ready — you don't want to have that once-in-a-lifetime moment pass you by and not be ready for it!
Tip #8: RECORD THE MILESTONES
While capturing the everyday leads to great shots, don't let the special days slip by.
Babies and children change so fast — from what your child looks like to what she's able to accomplish, like smiling, sitting up, pulling up, and so on. You want to be sure to capture those special ‘first’ moments… the first tooth, the first solid foods, the first steps.
It’s a good idea to take a portrait (or have them professionally taken) of your baby at the newborn stage, then again at the sitting-up stage, and again at the one-year mark. After that, a professional portrait once a year is a great way to keep a record of how your child is growing up and changing… and you will be surprised just how much they DO change over a year! I recommend having a professional portrait taken each year during the month of the child’s birthday. I have a very special BIRTHDAY CLUB set up for this very reason.
While the yearly professional portraits are great, make sure you are documenting your child’s special milestones in between as well. The first loose tooth – and when it finally pops out! – The first day at school, or learning to ride a bike, or going off on their first school excursion, are irreplaceable memories and worth documenting in photographs.
Tip #9: USE SOME PROPS
People in general, but particularly children, tend to be more at ease when they're holding something in their hands. Let your child play with some toys, teddy bears, books—or a candy cane at Christmas, or chocolate Easter bunny for Easter (wrapped, of course, with the promise of eating it later!). Your child will become engaged with what they are holding, less focused on what you are doing with that big scary camera, and you will be more likely to get a natural and relaxed photo.
Tip #10: TAKE MORE PHOTOS
With digital cameras, there's no reason to limit the number of photos you take. The more pictures you take the more chances you have to get that one great image. Just resist ordering copies of every single one! But then, how many photos do we actually get printed these days anyway? Now, that is a whole blog post on its own…
If you want a couple of fabulous pictures of your child, you should plan on taking at least 75 photos. Make taking photos spontaneous and relaxed. Just keep clicking! Allow yourself to take A LOT of photos, because then you will have more chance to find the great one amongst them when you sit down to sort through them.
Likewise, be patient when you have a particular photo in mind. You might want to take a photo to use on your Christmas cards to send to relatives. Your specific pose for what you would like to achieve might, for example, involve the child’s hands crossed in their lap, face looking forward, and smiling — but your child is just not going to do that for you today!
You could try ten shots trying to achieve that pose, and then put your camera away and give up.
But if you take your child outside or have someone read a book to her or let her play a game on the floor or blow some bubbles, and then you snap another 100 photos, you're going to have a perfect shot in there somewhere — once your child forgets you're taking photos.
The biggest mistake is giving up too quickly!
I wish you a lot of happy snapping and lots of FUN in capturing the special little people in your life… Cherish the moments and cherish the memories, they are gone far too soon.
But the photos will be around forever to let you revisit them each and every day!
To make it easier for you I have put together a few tips for capturing those priceless memories of your kids.
Tip #1: RELAX
Taking photos of your children should be FUN. If you allow yourself to get frustrated while trying to take great pictures, your child will sense that frustration and it will be difficult to get them to relax and smile. Remember to have fun when you are taking pictures — you will have these moments for a lifetime!
Tip #2: MAKE YOUR CHILDREN LAUGH
We have all said it at some point, but urging your child to smile or say "Cheese!" seldom gets you what you're looking for. Usually all you will end up with is an image that tells you nothing at all about your child’s character or personality.
Once a child has learned to say "Cheese," however, it's a hard habit to break and they will often automatically respond on cue as soon as they see a camera!
One way to capture the real child is to just start snapping away. Don’t make a fuss about the fact that you're taking your child's photo. Don't ask them to freeze, or look at you, or smile. Just let them be themselves! There will be times when you will want to pose your child in a particular way, but many of my favourite images are when I capture children doing their favourite activities. Try to fade into the background so they forget you’re there.
Sometimes, my favourite images are very natural ones where the child is not smiling. When you can look right into their eyes and see so much of who they are and what they are thinking. The shots I love of my children are the ones where their eyes are sparkling, and they're giving me a genuine, warm look. It doesn't have to be a smile, just a familiar look — the one I see in them everyday.
If you absolutely, positively MUST get a smile, then make faces, sing funny songs, make weird noises, do whatever it takes to get your kids to look at you and laugh. THEN click the button and capture their REAL smile!
Tip #3: KNOW YOUR CAMERA
Get to know your camera so you can use all of its functions. Knowing how and when to override the automatic flash and how to adjust the ISO (film speed) to allow you to avoid flash will make a huge difference in your photographs. Read the manual!
Tip #4: THINK ABOUT THE LIGHT
Perhaps the number one thing you can do to improve your family photos is to steer your child toward natural light sources — place them next to a sunny window or go outside. Get in the habit of opening the curtains when you're taking pictures during the daytime so that the entire room is filled with light.
Look for the way light is reflected in your child's eyes. It's this light in the eyes – catch lights – that makes people seem really alive. Sometimes it's just a matter of slightly repositioning yourself or the child to capture that light.
Though you can create catch lights with a flash it can be very harsh, it can startle and distract a child and it can result in that all too common red-eye! I suggest always turning the flash OFF!
If you're taking pictures outside be aware of glare and harsh shadows. The light in the middle of the day, when the sun is directly overhead, can create dark shadows under the eyes. What you want to see when you're looking at your child is their eyes and you can’t do this if they are surrounded by shadow. If you have to take pictures during the middle of the day, try to get your child into some shade.
The best light is in the morning hours, a couple of hours after sunrise, or in the evening, in those few hours before sunset. The sun at these times is lower in the sky which results in a softer, warmer glow and longer softer shadows.
Be aware of artificial lighting, like bright lamps, in the background of the shot. Our eyes are naturally drawn towards light, so if you have something bright in the background, your eye is going to go to whatever is brightest in the photo. You won’t even notice the child. Simplify the background and you'll take dramatically better photos of people.
Tip #5: CHECK THE BACKGROUND
Pay attention to what's right behind your children when you're photographing them. You want the viewer of the picture to focus on your child and not the background so make sure that the background of the photo is not too distracting or overpowering.
Also, you don’t want it to look like a telephone pole or a tree is sprouting out of your child’s head! Checking for these things before you start taking the photo will produce a much better result.
This, however, doesn't mean you have to always eliminate everything from the background. It's a matter of personal taste — some people don't ever want to see messy bench tops, toys on the floor or unmade beds in their photos — but sometimes, such elements can add a sense of context to the photo of your child.
Tip #6: CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE
For great eye contact and a natural sense of engagement, you really need to put yourself at your child's eye level. Whether that means holding the camera just an inch or two above the floor to photograph your baby hard at work during "tummy time" or sitting cross-legged on the footpath to capture your preschooler's expression as she rides past on her bike, getting low is the way to go. We are (usually) a lot taller than our children, taking a photo looking down at them distorts their body shape and will often end up with them looking up and giving a full ‘cheesy’ grin just for the camera!
Having said that, those of us with older children, who are now taller than we are (yes they do get that tall, ask my 14 year old!) it may be necessary for you to stand on a stool or chair to get to their eye level. Try not to take your photograph looking up at them. Nobody looks great when photographed from below!
Close-ups are another great angle for photographing kids. A baby's teeny-tiny fingernails or the little dimples on his or her knees are. These are the details you'll want to remember long after your little cherub has grown up. Snap pictures of your child's hands holding a sippy cup or a special toy. Capture a close-up of her face when she's licking a lollipop or zoom right in on her eyes with those long dark eyelashes.
Tip #7: RECORD THE CANDID EVERYDAY MOMENTS
Capture your kids brushing their teeth, eating their breakfast, zoning out on the couch, reading a book, hanging upside down off the swing set, jumping up and down on the bed, in the bath splashing water at each other, or beating the stuffing out of a pillow (preferable to their siblings!). Kids don't have to be posed and looking at the camera to get a great shot. These everyday moments are great memories to have later to remind you of them being kids.
Close-ups are another great angle for photographing kids. A baby's teeny-tiny fingernails or the little dimples on his or her knees are. These are the details you'll want to remember long after your little cherub has grown up. Snap pictures of your child's hands holding a sippy cup or a special toy. Capture a close-up of her face when she's licking a lollipop or zoom right in on her eyes with those long dark eyelashes.
Tip #7: RECORD THE CANDID EVERYDAY MOMENTS
Capture your kids brushing their teeth, eating their breakfast, zoning out on the couch, reading a book, hanging upside down off the swing set, jumping up and down on the bed, in the bath splashing water at each other, or beating the stuffing out of a pillow (preferable to their siblings!). Kids don't have to be posed and looking at the camera to get a great shot. These everyday moments are great memories to have later to remind you of them being kids.
There are so many moments that occur in a child’s day that it would be impossible to capture them all, but some wise advice is to always have your camera ready — you don't want to have that once-in-a-lifetime moment pass you by and not be ready for it!
Tip #8: RECORD THE MILESTONES
While capturing the everyday leads to great shots, don't let the special days slip by.
Babies and children change so fast — from what your child looks like to what she's able to accomplish, like smiling, sitting up, pulling up, and so on. You want to be sure to capture those special ‘first’ moments… the first tooth, the first solid foods, the first steps.
It’s a good idea to take a portrait (or have them professionally taken) of your baby at the newborn stage, then again at the sitting-up stage, and again at the one-year mark. After that, a professional portrait once a year is a great way to keep a record of how your child is growing up and changing… and you will be surprised just how much they DO change over a year! I recommend having a professional portrait taken each year during the month of the child’s birthday. I have a very special BIRTHDAY CLUB set up for this very reason.
While the yearly professional portraits are great, make sure you are documenting your child’s special milestones in between as well. The first loose tooth – and when it finally pops out! – The first day at school, or learning to ride a bike, or going off on their first school excursion, are irreplaceable memories and worth documenting in photographs.
Tip #9: USE SOME PROPS
People in general, but particularly children, tend to be more at ease when they're holding something in their hands. Let your child play with some toys, teddy bears, books—or a candy cane at Christmas, or chocolate Easter bunny for Easter (wrapped, of course, with the promise of eating it later!). Your child will become engaged with what they are holding, less focused on what you are doing with that big scary camera, and you will be more likely to get a natural and relaxed photo.
Tip #10: TAKE MORE PHOTOS
With digital cameras, there's no reason to limit the number of photos you take. The more pictures you take the more chances you have to get that one great image. Just resist ordering copies of every single one! But then, how many photos do we actually get printed these days anyway? Now, that is a whole blog post on its own…
If you want a couple of fabulous pictures of your child, you should plan on taking at least 75 photos. Make taking photos spontaneous and relaxed. Just keep clicking! Allow yourself to take A LOT of photos, because then you will have more chance to find the great one amongst them when you sit down to sort through them.
Likewise, be patient when you have a particular photo in mind. You might want to take a photo to use on your Christmas cards to send to relatives. Your specific pose for what you would like to achieve might, for example, involve the child’s hands crossed in their lap, face looking forward, and smiling — but your child is just not going to do that for you today!
You could try ten shots trying to achieve that pose, and then put your camera away and give up.
But if you take your child outside or have someone read a book to her or let her play a game on the floor or blow some bubbles, and then you snap another 100 photos, you're going to have a perfect shot in there somewhere — once your child forgets you're taking photos.
The biggest mistake is giving up too quickly!
I wish you a lot of happy snapping and lots of FUN in capturing the special little people in your life… Cherish the moments and cherish the memories, they are gone far too soon.
But the photos will be around forever to let you revisit them each and every day!
Wednesday, 17 July 2013
Fathers Day Sessions | Special Promotion
Celebrate Fathers Day by spoiling Dad with a gorgeous portrait of the
kids.
We are running special sessions between August 1st and 14th. Each package includes your 1 hour session, a custom wall design consultation, one desk-strip mounted
print AND a DVD Slideshow. That’s awesome
value!
Your images will be available for
selection following the shoot and will be ready in time for Fathers Day on
September 1st.
Spaces are limited so early bookings are essential. Call to book your place 0466 362 580.
Tuesday, 9 July 2013
Fun in the Studio...
The kids and I returned to the Central Coast last week to visit friends and family we have not seen since our move south 6 months ago. While we were there we called in to see Nicole and Steve at Exposure Studios.
I first met Nicole and Steve on a photographic day trip that they had organised as a 'real-life' connection for members of their Facebook group Central Coast Amateur Photographers. Since then both of them have willingly shared their advice and support with me, which has been invaluable in my journey to creating my own business.
Since my move south, they have continued to support my work, helping me out in so many ways. I cannot express my gratitude to them enough.
Opening the studio in Wyong has been the next step in Nicole and Steve's journey and is a vehicle through which they are able to continue to share their knowledge and skills with fellow photographers as well as provide fabulous studio images at very reasonable rates.
Nicole and Steve assist, teach and continue to learn themselves by allowing others to utilise their facilities, lighting, props and incredible gallery space where they showcase a range of work by some very talented artists. I am honoured to have my images included among them.
When we called in to say hi and have our first look at the studio and gallery, Nicole offered me the opportunity to have a play with the studio's facilities.
We spent well over an hour, dressing up, exploring lighting, posing, and generally just having fun.
I could have spent a whole day exploring so many more aspects of studio lighting... but my little models were a bit worn out by the experience, and so it was time to leave. There's always next time!
The possibilities of a studio have definitely triggered the 'dreaming' part of my brain... Who knows where this could lead us....
![]() |
| Image courtesy of Exposure Studios. |
I first met Nicole and Steve on a photographic day trip that they had organised as a 'real-life' connection for members of their Facebook group Central Coast Amateur Photographers. Since then both of them have willingly shared their advice and support with me, which has been invaluable in my journey to creating my own business.
Since my move south, they have continued to support my work, helping me out in so many ways. I cannot express my gratitude to them enough.
![]() |
| Image courtesy of Exposure Studios. |
Opening the studio in Wyong has been the next step in Nicole and Steve's journey and is a vehicle through which they are able to continue to share their knowledge and skills with fellow photographers as well as provide fabulous studio images at very reasonable rates.
Nicole and Steve assist, teach and continue to learn themselves by allowing others to utilise their facilities, lighting, props and incredible gallery space where they showcase a range of work by some very talented artists. I am honoured to have my images included among them.
![]() |
| Image courtesy of Exposure Studios. |
When we called in to say hi and have our first look at the studio and gallery, Nicole offered me the opportunity to have a play with the studio's facilities.
![]() |
| Image courtesy of Exposure Studios. |
We spent well over an hour, dressing up, exploring lighting, posing, and generally just having fun.

The possibilities of a studio have definitely triggered the 'dreaming' part of my brain... Who knows where this could lead us....
Wednesday, 20 March 2013
Letter to my 12 year old daughter
On Saturday my baby girl turned 12!!! I am still not completely sure how this has happened. I remember turning 12. I remember the confusion and anxiety of the years that followed. I was lucky to have a mum that I could talk to about everything and who shared her wisdom and experience with me during these years, which I am so grateful for. I wanted to share some of what I have learned with my daughter too. So I wrote her this letter...

Dear C...
As you turn 12 and reach those in be-“tween” years where life seems to become so much more complicated and confusing, I wanted to write you a letter that might help you find some clarity and perspective. I hope that you will be able to look back at it over the coming years and that all the things I have learned can make life a little bit easier for you. I want you to know that you are loved.
You have always been loved and you will always be loved. There will be times when you think I don’t love you, when you think that my whole purpose in life is to make your existence miserable… but even when I may not like what you choose for yourself, I will still love you.
You are beautiful - Regardless of what society says about your clothes, your hair, what you ‘should’ weigh, or how you ‘should’ look. YOU are none of those things – they are superficial and changeable and completely irrelevant to true beauty! YOU are always beautiful. Believe in your beauty and celebrate it.
Life will knock you down sometimes, and you won’t always be able to control circumstances or the events that happen to you, but you can ALWAYS control how you respond. You can choose whether the events and circumstances reduce you, or whether you evolve from them to become a better you than ever before.
Believe in something far bigger than yourself and put your trust in it – God, your instinct, karma, destiny, the universe, whatever it’s ‘name’, have faith that it will lead you in the right direction along your journey. Because we can’t see how the events of our lives connect until we are looking back on them. Hindsight will always reveal the value and the opportunities in what can feel, at the time, like the most horrible experiences. Feel the emotions of the experience, but never let them define you.
Believe in yourself. Find what you love. Find what makes you feel alive. Don’t be a victim to circumstance and don’t complain. Do whatever you can to change the things you don’t like, or change the way you are thinking about them. Sometimes the greatest solutions come from a simple shift in thinking.
The only way to ever feel truly satisfied is to be doing what YOU feel is something wonderful for humanity. It might be defending the innocent, keeping a park clean from rubbish, or creating a magnificent musical masterpiece. EVERY contribution counts. Find your passion and make it count too.
As far as friends go – remember that you can never please all the people all of the time, or even some of the people all of the time! If you are doing what makes your heart sing and you are true to your own instincts and values then that is all that truly matters. Make sure you listen and don’t just follow others because they want you to. If it doesn’t ‘feel’ right, don’t do it!
Remember also that you can’t change people, for each is living their own journey. Be inspired by those who lift you up and energise you, accept the imperfections of all, and move on graciously and lovingly from those who only weigh you down.
Don’t be consumed by what others tell you is truth, or right, or what you ‘should’ be, do or have. Live your own life, do what your instincts tell you is right. Have the courage to listen to your own inner voice and live your passion. Let go of outside expectation, pride and fear. The only real failure comes from never trying, everything else is a learning experience.
And when it comes to boys there will be MANY learning experiences. You will fall in love, you will have your heart broken. Just remember that with each relationship (with anyone, not just boyfriends) comes valuable insight into human nature. Be picky. Have high standards. Choose the one who will love you just as you are, with all of your unique qualities and even your imperfections. “Because one day your boobs will droop so low they touch your ankles, and your elbows will make you wonder whether you’re ¼ elephant, and your eyesight will be so bad you’ll fail to notice your one-haired goatee until it gets tangled in your necklace, and that’s when you’ll want a partner … who thinks you’re more gorgeous than the day you first met.” (Karen Alpert)
I am so proud of who you are and who you are becoming and I love you.
Mum xx
Wednesday, 13 March 2013
My Daring Adventure!!!
Wow, I feel like I have become a completely absorbed web nerd lately. I have found myself consumed completely by putting together my website - and spending far too many late nights tapping away at the keyboard, or sorting through what seems like tonnes of archived photos working out which ones to include... That is so much harder than it seems sometimes.
Anyway, the good news is that it is ALMOST done and I will soon return to the world again... I really have had quite enough of the computer 'tech-talk'. Although I have learned a ridiculous amount in the last few days. I somehow, quite incredibly, have managed to fumble my way through what I never thought I would ever be doing in a million years! But, like Oprah says, we should 'devote today to something so daring even you can't believe you're doing it!'
So, stay tuned for the launch.... and share a nice big bottle of wine with me to celebrate! (Heaven knows I'm gonna need it!)
Sunday, 3 March 2013
WELCOME TO MY BLOG
It's that time again. Time to start blogging once more. It has been a few years since I last had a blog, so it is super exciting for me to be starting over once again. I intend this blog to be a space to share my life with those who are interested... whether it ends up being just me, a select few, or many will only be known in time. My aim is to be as authentic and transparent as I can be, and realise that some people will appreciate this, while others may decide they don't like what I do or who I am. All I can do is be ME, and what other people think of me is not any of my business, but completely their opinion. Having said that I hope that this will be a space where people feel they are able to leave POSITIVE feedback and CONSTRUCTIVE critisicm as that is always appreciated :)
I look foward to what lies ahead.
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